July 20, 2014

Read All About It

You know, I've gotten myself into a situation. 

A very, very bad situation. 

A situation where, I'm bored, but I'm too tired to do anything.

It's not good. 

The trouble is, all the normal remedies for this situation, are just not working for me right now. And it's really hard to explain this to people. Not just hard, but really hard, because I don't want to upset them, everytime someone makes a suggestion, or asks what I'm doing, if I give a fully extended trueful answer, I'll upset them.

And the worse thing? I can't read.

Okay, I can read, but I'm finding it super hard. I just can't concentrate. And some days, I don't even want to read. It just doesn't interest me. Which is highly sad. Or it is for me anyway.

Right now I'm just finding it so hard.

It's not that I don't want to read, I do. I just can't.

When I get into a good book that I like (like the Savants series), when I can get into it, I can read for hours. But I'm just finding it SO HARD to get into it.

And I don't even think that I'm reading the paragraphs/sentences in the right order. I'm jumping around all over the place. And I have this habit of skipping stuff. I may read that someone starts chopping onions, then have to go back a page till I find the bit where they go into the kitchen.

When I've had a break from a book, sometimes I need to reread a chapter or two so I can re-orientate myself with where the book is up to. Which means it takes me even longer to read a book. We're going round in circles here!

For a very very very long time, I was the girl who liked reading. You, know, the one who read a lot. I've even spent summers volunteering in the library. When I'm in town and I need somewhere to wait around for a while, I'd go to the library. You know, like the sad lonely person that I am so not. (You don't believe me, do you?) My aunt once commented to Mom that I "read so fast", she was amazed at how quickly the pages where turning. And now that person who's always reading is just not me.

I've got to force myself to read, and I'm trying to do it every day. "Don't worry- it's just Chemo Brain". Yeah, well, that doesn't help me much. In September, I'm starting back at college, and, hello, I'm doing English Lit. You know, that subject where you have to read a lot of books. I mean, it's not just novels, I'm doing Shakespeare!!!!! If I can't cope with modern language, well how am I supposed to be able to cope with something notoriously hard? Please, I'm open to suggestions!

I have 6 weeks to learn how to read again. Nothing like a good, ominous deadline, is there?

I'm forcing myself to read everyday (if I can). But what do I want to read? To be honest- nothing. Has anyone got any suggestions? Because I go to the library, and I just don't want to pick anything of the shelf! So, please, comment and leave a suggestion!!!  

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